I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're like the curious george of whores
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
