He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
