So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
