I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
