I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
