My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
