im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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