Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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