So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize