that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize