When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
