Me too!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
