I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
