I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
