Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
