I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
