you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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