I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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