the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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