The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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