doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're like the curious george of whores
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
