Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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