ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
