These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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