Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
