Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
