dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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