i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
