D3 body, D1 cock
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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