But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
