Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
