My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
