is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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