I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
