She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
