drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
