Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
