some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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