Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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