The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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