I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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