i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
