Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
