If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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