duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
