I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
