OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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