i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to make out with him forever
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
