We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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