Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
