Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
