Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
