Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
