Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.

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(305): View more from Florida

nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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(740): View more from Ohio

Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

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(315): View more from New York

i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV

(802): View more from Vermont

you're the only one i would trust to do that

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(310): View more from California

Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So. Much. Porn.

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