Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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