she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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