can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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