If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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