my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
