Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
