In the future we'll all be gay
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
