I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
