Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want her autograph on my taint
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
