you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
