While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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