Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize