you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize