That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
